| If.... |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|10:19 pm] |
I were to sell t-shirts and sweatshirts with Oddly Fitting charaters on it would you buy it?
Yes?
No?
Maybe?
leaving a comment with one of the following would be great help! |
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| Time-Travel |
[May. 6th, 2008|06:27 pm] |
I stumbled across an interesing Meme today, and thought I'd give it a shoot. The Idea was to draw yourself back in 1999 and Today.
Some changes have been made from the angsti-teen Jess to the Jess now.
Enjoy. :)
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| Bugaaaaaatti |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|02:23 pm] |
Zoooooooom
I like the car, i like the speed, but theres no place for shopping ^^ |
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| Look its a Jess |
[Mar. 11th, 2008|10:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Uhm yeah...
sorry that I have been such a lazy git when it has come to post on here. Its been a bit weird lately, a bit disapointing, and extremely tiring. I feel like i'm on a holiday from hell thats not willing to end.
My mom is currently in Reha (meaning she's getting fit), she's a lot better, but there's not much off her at the moment. She has lost a lot of weight, but at least she's able to walk around again, get dressed and all that without help.
I'm Still without a job, and i'm debating if i should go back to Uni. I have a Masters in International Relations that is getting me nowhere, and i keep hearing from people: so why haven't you studied art? I'm currently looking at three Uni's that offer a Communication-Design course, which might get me another bachelor. And it would give me another 3 and a half years to dodge the real world. It could be great. It could suck. I've got a talk with a Lady next Thursday about all this, lets see what happens.
So what am I doing at the moment besides play WoW? I have three Drawingfolders to fill up with 60-70 pieces of what i can draw (thats together, not each ^^). Remembering the amount of work i left in India back then, i could bite my arse if i could reach. I had enough studies of cello's and skulls to fill 15 folders. So i have been drawing, lots.
I have been bellidancing. Lots. Its quite fun, and my oldest sister has taken it up as well. We even learned a "Light Dance" with Candles. Unlit, obviously.
In other news: www.oddly-fitting.com now houses the comics of Jess. It also has a German blog (with sometimes english bits) but yeah. If you understand a bit of German you can test you skills there.
I need to update deviantart at sometime as well, which i shall do soon.
So yeah, i am still alive, even if i'm not around anymore. I miss Lancaster lots these days. Seeing as life there seems to just go on as usual. And i'm not there :(
Miss you all, and hope your well and life is treating you better than me.
Take care
Jess. |
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| Odd moods |
[Sep. 4th, 2007|01:57 pm] |
A friend send me a link to a video yesterday. I usually don't like the band. But the song is both sad and beautiful. I haven't seen the vid, i just listened to the song. So listen (and if you like watch).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HE6HW1vlkUE
Due to the fact that the lyrics are in german i decided to translate them for your benifit.
let me show you what it means to be alone, i'm drinking teardrop-black wine,
let me follow you in to the deep death of the night, till the abyss of you soul i will go
i'm looking for the one [german "die" hence female] who will make me cry. love addicts, makes you drunken and blind. i'm searching for a way out of the emtpiness - that is ruling my life.
i'm letting it rain tears....
am i only happy when it hurts?
am i only happy when it hurts?
i gift [the german is the verb "i give you a present, dunno if gift is correct] you my frozen heart - i want you to warm it for me.
i remember, nothing is clear, i am at a point where no one was before
no able to love or do i love the bale? do i love the pain? am i not normal?
i'm searching for the one who will bring home my soul home
i'm looking for her who i'm sing this song
just one night in my room we wake up and live forever
i'm letting it rain tears....
........................
anyways, this is jess, signing off... back to work dissertations don't write themselvs... i wish they would. |
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| Silly Jess.... |
[Aug. 2nd, 2007|08:52 pm] |
Alright, i admid i can be horribly silly, but lemme explain.
I texted Thomas last night if he was going to call, he usually calls to say good night. This was around halfpast 10. No reply text, no phone ring nothing. I decide to go sleep. Still no answer around 12ish. So i send him a second text. Still no answer. At 12:30 I break and let his mobile ring. Twice. Then I think its a stupid idea and hang up, thinking he's probably fast asleep... i will let him sleep.
Then the little voice in the back of my head goes: what if he isn't fast asleep? What if somethings wrong? What if... what if he's found some cute female and took her home? What if theres two of them? So through and through my mind playes one senario after the other.
Obviously, sleep said bye bye. I was tried. I was worried. Twisting and turning, drifting from one weird dream into the next. And just before 8 in the morning i decide, if i don't call him now, i will drive myself nuts.
So I call. Nothing happened. He was out, came home and went to bed. He didn't have his cell with him. Hence no answer.
So, the moral of the story is: 1. Jess can be horribly silly. 2. Jess has a very strange fantasy.
But: to that i have to say- i don't care if he's out all night flirting, or dancing off his socks, or business dinners with work or whatever. I just want to know when he's not home, and when i can expect not hearing his voice to say goodnight. Not knowing makes me worry, and then i start being silly. And then i call him at 8 in the morning. Which isn't to bad, considering I have managed to call my ex boyfriend at 4 in the morning and then he had to listen to me roll on the bathroom floor crying and yelling that i was going to die (Goldschlager is bad for you m'kay?).
Anyways - just for the record - if your girl friend starts going all worried and silly on you, it probably just because she wants to know where the heck you are, and that you are alright. Nothing more, nothing less.
-Jess out.
Cookies look all the same when you turn of the lights. |
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| Break ups and other cookies... |
[Jul. 3rd, 2007|09:59 am] |
Being stuck in Germany, it makes it hard to figure out what happened. And why so many are heartbroken. From your lj entries I am slowly piecing things together. The words i read dig in old not yet healed wounds.
Its been almost two years, well a year and ahalf since Sebastian broke up with me. I spend that christmas holiday in denial. We said we'd stay friends. He wanted it to be like it was before we got together. I sulked. I cried. I houled. I couldn't at first unpack the huge amounts of junk that had acumilated at his (and to be honest there is still stuff there). I cried when i did. A few days after newyears I got drunk with a friend of mine, and then decided to call sebastian. At first it was all fun and giggles. And then something hit: and i became that wailing, crying woman I hate so much. Marco, who was there at the time tried to comfort me and failed. I just wanted to feel something and discovered I was so numb i couldn't feel anything. I stayed at Sebastians just before going back to England and I had a plan. I wanted him back.
Like the weird little German I am, my plan was not to only write a dissertation in 10 weeks, but to crushay a blanket. Now blankets come in many sizes, and the one i made for Sebastian is big enough to cover at least 2 people. I think he was suprised at the blanket, I think he didn't quite realize how much time and energy i had put in it. All my hopes were in each square crushayed. In the end, I didn't really finish it on time. I finished it while sat after 36 hours of being awake on his couch. I was tired, i was angry, i was burned out.
The plan had failed.
I remember sitting on the door between Sebastians living room and hall, just after the break up, crying my eyes out, yelling at him (eventhough he wasn't there), demanding to know why he didn't love me anymore. When he came home i was still a huddled mess, covered in tears. I'm not sure how long i sat there. I remember how i accused him of not knowing how i felt because I was heartbroken and he'd stopped caring. I remember how sad he looked as i threw my accusitions at him. He hadn't stopped caring. He just stopped loving me. I remember after one of my fits of tears and yelling how he just hugged me. It paralized me so much, that the tears became silent and i wanted to go to sleep.
Sleep helps. Its amazing how much healing happens while you are asleep.
Every break up is different. But every break up leaves one or two heartbroken heaps behind. Yet the reactions are similar. There will be tears - let them flow. There will be denial - its good to hope. There will be a time when you wake up and discover that its ok to be single, that it was good, but its over. There will be anger. We all want to know why we were hurt by someone we trust and love. There will be tears.
There will also be a time when you discover how tired you are - emotions take a lot of energy - sleep.
I am not going to promise anyone that the wound will heal completely. Some never do. I have my own proof for that. Its just that some wounds heal quicker than others.
The only thing that you should definatly do is break with the past. Be it with a big fight. Be it with a new relationship thats not going to last. Don't try and continue the friendship you had before the moment after the break up. Its not going to work and its going to make things even more difficult for the one who still loves the other.
Cry, sleep, heal. Those are probably the 3 most important things you should be doing right now. And when some is healed, move.
-Jess out. |
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| Beware |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|07:36 am] |
For tonight and a few weeks after tonight,
you might encounter the Jess roaming Lancaster again.
Will see people at lunch tomorrow*. Yay lunch :)
*That is, if i am awake enough. Oh and Bill and Martin have the privilage of getting to see me tonight... oh joy :p I hope the kitchen is clean........................ |
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| I find the strage urge to update this |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|01:12 pm] |
so here it goes.
I'm still in Germany struggling with essays. Oh dear god how i hate them. I should however be done hopefully by tuesday with one, and by the end of next week with the other.
I'm not actually back in Lancaster till the 30th.
Currently, i am enjoying life with a vanilla-cherry-milkshake and sun shine in HUGE amounts. I like sunshine.
I have got half of one essay done, and none of the other. Considering the fact that I have zilch amount of energy for essays i think i'm doing pretty ok.
My huneybunny is coming next weekend, and i r happy :P i mean my girlfriend, not Jan.
And because I'm lazy: I will copy and paste my journal from deviantart. ^^ Its just something i've been thinking about in relationship with Jan. I have made up my mind that i do want to meet him. Its currently just a question of when.
I've been thinking about this for a long time: how do you fall in love? How do you know you are in love? Can you fall in love with the idea of a man?
Now: how to fall in love is simple - it happens. There is anything that can be done about it, besides arguing against it, or not realizing till someone points it out. But falling in love happens. Falling out of love is something more difficult. Relationships that last have the secret that the two people involved manage to fall in love repeately. They don't give in to routine. And sometimes even routine is what keeps the romance going. At least thats how i see it.
The next question - how do you know you are in love is more difficult to answer. That you constantly think about the person is one thing. That you think about them while actually trying to do something else, is quite another. I currently have someone who has nisted himself into my thoughts and demands attention. Well maybe not demands. But i believe he has stolen bits of my concentration and has run off with them giggling.
How then do you know you are in love? Especially when all you have of the person is his voice and the words he writes. A few pictures. But nothing more? Would you call it a crush rather than being in love? Hmm yes, to find out I think i would have to meet him. Which brings me to my last point - can you fall in love with the idea of someone?
I think you can, and i have spend a supstantial amount of time Imagining a relationship with someone where the contact was limited to emails. 4 years of it. And the man i imagined was not much different from the real person. But then, I had met the real person before i stared imagining and before our communication was reduced to the internet.
This time its a lot different. I know what he looks like. I know what he sounds like. I love hearing him laugh. I love making him laugh. I don't know how he moves. I don't know any of his body language. I don't know what he smells like. I don't know what he feels like, or what he taste like (yes i know i'm weird). I can tell what his mood is like by the words he writes or by the sound of his voice. I know instinctively when something is wrong.
But can i be in love with him, when i don't *know* him?
On to the next question then... how do you know a person?
Do you know someone if you remember their eyes, or if you know their favourite colour? If you know what they like to eat? I guess these small things play into interacting with someone, but in the end they don't make you truely know a person. I think to really know someone you need to experience them with all senses. What does he smell like? What does the palm of his hand feel like against yours? What does he taste like, particularly on that little spot behind the ear? Obviously what does he look like matters too. And what he sounds like is just as important.
And as you get to know these things, you get to know their likes and dislikes, you get to know his story.
And even then you don't know him or her. There are always bits that are discovered over time, and something that aren't.
A few thoughts for brain food...
-Jess out.
If a cookie ate a cookie, can there be a cookie in a cookie? |
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| ViP^^ |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|06:34 pm] |
Rightio,
i need to speak with LUKE and possibly CATH before saturday/sunday for vip downtime.
Lemme know when its good for you.
Yes, i do still exist.
-Jess out. |
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| Coming back |
[Jan. 17th, 2007|08:27 am] |
Hi all,
will be back in lancaster sometime tonight. Dunno exactly when, all depends on what train i get. Anyways, see most of you online.
-Jess out. |
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| Merry Chritmas |
[Dec. 25th, 2006|02:54 pm] |
And a happy new year.
Nothing much else to say, hope you are having fun unwrapping presents. |
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| Christmas is coming early this year |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|05:20 pm] |
at least for me. My shiny new laptop is coming tomorrow.
here are the specs for our techies:
2.0 Ghz AMD Turion
2 GB DDR2 RAM
120 GB HDD
128 MB Graphic onboard (this is a bit poo, but with 2 gigs of RAM i doubt i will notice ^^)
15.4" screen
Oh i am one happy happy Jess.
*happyjessdance*
-Jess out. |
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| I need to stop daydreaming.... |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|02:30 pm] |
... and get on with work.
... but i can't stop thinking of Jan.
Its like he invaded my mind, stole my concentration ability and ran of with it giggling. Everytime when i try and work (which I am doing now) my thoughts train off and i end up back on him. Thinking of him makes me happy. He makes me happy. Just by, saying funny little things and being there. I think i'm falling for him, but currently its only platonic has i haven't actually met him. I have pants full of ants when i think about the possibility that i might meet him soon.
I'm cold. *wraps poncho again*
And I'm day dreaming again. With this rate I will be taking FOREVER on my essays.
Other things that are currently confusing me, and therefore stealing concentration:
I'm confused about my ex. I'm not sure what i am meant to feel for him. I still like him. But i don't love him anymore like i used to. Its been almost a year after the break up... the memory of it makes me feel a bit numb. I'm not sure what to make of the Sebastian - Jan situation. I'm not sure what Sebastian thinks of me at the moment. We talk less now, and that kinda hurts too. I kinda miss Sebastian. Not in the way you miss a lover, but rather in the way of missing a very close friend.
Tickets to Lübeck (where Jan lives) are only 17 pounds. The train down to London would probably be more expensive.
Next term consists of a 5 day weekend and 2 days of classes (Thursdays and Fridays), enough time to go visit Lübeck on a short random notice.
My laptop is dying. Although I'm currently still working on it, I am waiting for the next blue screen to appear, I am waiting for it to die and never boot again. My motherboard is slowly but surely saying "Good Bye Cruel World!" after 6 years of being a good laptop. *sniff* it for some reason feels like someone saying "I'm sorry, your dog has a tumour and will die soon."
Its odd how emotionally attached you can get to inanimate objects and how they, the unliving object, starts be develop a personallity of its own.
I will probably be getting a new Laptop for Christmas. If things go my way, its going to be an Acer Aspire 5101AWLMi with 2 gb of DDR RAM and 120 GB HDD, 2,0 GHz and a ATI graphics chip. It costs 850 Euro, which is about 550 pounds. Getting a new Laptop however is making me feel guilty as hell, as my mother doesn't have the money for this actually.
I should eat something. If i could only figure out what i would like to eat.
I'm going to go mad soon. Just because I'm driving myself up the wall.
I'm wondering where i'm going to get 30 Euro's for the WoW expansion Burning Crusaids from.
Great i have a nose bleed again.
You'd be suprised how nasty I can sometimes be.
Meh.
Yay tomorrow is AQ20, Jess's favourite dungeon to crawl.
Can scars scar?
On a different note - can blue cheese grow moldly?
I found food and now I'm not hungry anymore.
I want a new pair of Boots.
I can't think of anything more right now... so i will stop here.
-Jess out. |
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